What If and why?
by linwe viper emily nolatari
Summary: Tomoe didn't die that day, she managed to survive,what nobody knew was that she was pregnant, she gave birth to a boy, but what happened to that child after she was no more? will kenshin ever find out?
1. Chapter 1

What if and Why?

It's been something that my brother and I have discussed many times…and that was that Tomoe's death could have been more dramatic if she had been pregnant…but then again, what is there to say that she wasn't? There was no autopsy done on the body, maybe she was…so that's where this came from…from that idea of what if…?

Tomoe had not died instantly.

Somehow she managed to survive, but the blow had been brutal, and it left her very weak.

Some by stander happened to pass by and find her bloody body thrown on the snow.

'Poor woman.' He said as he passed her by, but was stopped by the sounds of soft coughing.

It was the woman. Her wound was atrocious, but she was still alive, barely.

There was a man besides her, but he could only carry one at the time, so he decided to try and help the woman.

He took the woman to his home, where he tended for her wounds as much as possible.

'I need a doctor, and I also need to go pick up the man.' He said to himself, but when he arrived, the man was gone.

The doctor wasn't very hopeful.

'The woman is in bad shape, I don't think she'll survive the night.'

But she did.

The woman managed to survive and was slowly on her way to recovery.

'This is amazing. I cannot believe that she managed to survive such a wound.' The doctor was amazed by her recovery.

'Who is this woman?' he asked the man.

'I don't know, I found her lying on the floor next to a red-haired young man, but I could only carry one, so I decided the woman needed help first. When I went back, the man was gone.'

That man had been her husband.

He had not noticed her standing there as he cut through her flesh giving her a fatal wound.

She had died in his arms, yet after he had regained consciousness, she was gone.

He looked everywhere for her, but the snowed had covered any tracks.

Could it be that she had been alive when he lost consciousness? Could it be that she too lost consciousness, and was lying somewhere cold and injured? But he could not find her. He looked for her everywhere, but it was as if she had disappeared.

When he could look no longer, he finally gave up, certain that by then she was dead. That she was beyond his reach. It pained him that he could not give her one last good bye and have a body to mourn over, but he had looked everywhere. Probably some wolves had gotten to her.

'Please be happy wherever you are Tomoe. Please forgive me for leaving you here all alone in the wilderness, but I looked and looked and couldn't find you. If you are somewhere, please give me a sign.' But he never received any sign.

He burned down the house where he had been so happy for the past year, and left without a trace.

'Have you tried to look for that man?' the doctor asked, 'he might be related to her, or know who she is.'

'I haven't, I've been so worried about the poor girl that I have not gone out to look for him.'

He was poor old man that lived alone and there was nobody to take care of the convalescent girl if he was away.

'I haven't even gone to town to sell wood these days. I'm waiting for her to regain consciousness.'

'Maybe you should go look for information on them. Maybe you can find that young man.'

The old man ventured into town to ask around.

People remembered a young man by those characteristics, but he had recently left and nobody knew where.

'The girl is all alone.' He told the doctor.

The girl's recovery was a slow one. It was a month before she opened her eyes.

'I see you are finally awake child, how are you feeling?' the old man asked her.

The girl seemed as if in a daze.

'Where…where am I?' she asked in a low voice.

'You were injured, we thought you might die, but you've pulled through.' The old man told her.

She now remembered how it had happened. She had tried to protect him so much that he had cut her without noticing.

'Where…where is he?' she asked.

'Who? Oh the man that was with you? I don't know, he left town and nobody knew where. I think he thought you had died.'

The girl lowered her gaze.

She was all alone again.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry, ppl…but Tomoe and Kenshin won't be reunited…so sorry….

At the time of her injury, she hadn't known.

Nobody knew, yet these news made her happy and sad.

The food never sat well with her, the smells in that small cottage made her sick, but she didn't know why.

Then it happened. It was undeniable. She was pregnant.

'It is a miracle that the child survived with such a wound you received.' The doctor told her amazed.

She was happy. She was going to have a child, but now her husband was gone, thinking that she had died.

'It's going to be dangerous though, your body is still very weak from your wound, I don't know if you'll survive childbirth.'

She was quiet. She hardly ever spoke a word.

'You will have to start eating more and try to get stronger before you are due. It will be a high risks pregnancy.'

Autumn turned to winter, and winter turned to spring, and in the cool days of spring she gave birth to a boy, but sadly her body could not handle the pressure and gave way.

She died a couple of hours after she gave birth to her son.

For the first time since he had taken her in, the old man saw her smile.

She was satisfied.

The only thing she left behind for her son to ever know who his parents were was a letter telling him who his father was.

'It is a miracle that that child is even here; it would have been too much to ask for her to be alive. She was given an extraordinary amount of luck to survive that wound to begin with.' Said the doctor, at her grave.

'But I cannot take care of a child.' Said the old man sadly.

'I think I know of a family that have been wanting to have a child but have been unable to. I think they might be delighted to receive this child as theirs.'

'Then take the child to them and may he be happy.' Said the old man handing the child and the letter his mother had left him to the doctor. 'Just tell them to give this letter to the boy when they feel the time is for him to find out the whole truth.'

'I will.' And with that the doctor and the boy disappeared forever.

The old man lived a couple of more years before he too passed away.

Now there lay two tombs forgotten by time, as snow and ran fall on them.

The tombs of tow people forgotten by time also.

And that was how ten years passed.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh no!

I do not, and I mean do not like K/K…so no this won't be a K/K pairing…

eh..this chapter may be kinda crappy, but still review please and keep checking for updates...

He had never truly gotten over the fact that he never found his wife's body. Sometimes he still though… 'What if…?', but he knew it was futile. She was dead and it was his fault.

Now his life moved smoother than before.

For ten long years he had avoided to go to that city which brought to him so many memories of a love lost.

It still hurt him because there had really been no 'closure' to that story, and it was maybe because of that that he had not wanted to involve himself with any one else.

That experience had left him traumatized.

He was afraid to hurt any one again.

And even though he had been aloof for most of his life, he was slowly coming to terms with himself for his wife's death.

He had traveled across the country to put as much land as possible away from that city, and that was how he got to Tokyo where he resided now.

He lived a life much different from the one he led before.

This one was much livelier.

Upon his arrival in Tokyo he met a young girl who allowed him to live at her dojo, and that is where he is now.

"Ah not again! I refuse to eat this thing you are trying to call food!" Yahiko protested.

Let's just say that cooking was not one of Kaoru's greatest strength.

"It doesn't look so bad, right Kenshin…?" she asked him.

"Oro?"

"The food! It's edible right?" she asked.

He looked at the food.

It certainly didn't look healthy, but then again food didn't have much taste for him. Ever since he was very young food had the taste of blood, and it was only during the time that he lived with Tomoe that food had another taste. It tasted like white plum, but now food had no taste to him.

He had lost a lot when he lost Tomoe, and even if he was happy now, he still hadn't found somebody that would teach him how to love again.

"It's…it's edible." He finally responded.

"See, it's edible, now eat!" she commanded.

"Sheesh, only because he's nice. Do you really believe anyone would eat this junk?" Yahiko remarked slyly.

Kaoru proceeded in shoving the food down Yahiko's throat as he tried to break away.

"You're still many years away from being stringer that me!" Kaoru told him victorious.

"Ahg! I'm going to die!"

Kenshin couldn't help but smile.

It was a lively place to live, that was true, but he still felt some twinge of loneliness that seemed to never go away.

'I wonder how life would have been if she had not died. Would we have had children?' he would often ask himself that question, but there was no way he could answer it.

He'd always wanted to have children, but apparently that was not going to happen, she had dided and he had not found someone else to fill his heart.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for not updating sooner…sorry…

The time to meet his unknown son had come.

The boy had grown beautifully, albeit a bit spoiled.

It happened when Dr.Genzai's sister had invited them to the countryside.

She happened to work for the rich orphaned child.

"Of course we can go!" Kaoru had exclaimed, happy to be able to see new places.

"Well then, we'll be going this weekend." And now the weekend had arrived.

The house was enormous, everybody was impressed, and yet Kenshin seemed somewhat distant and lost. Kaoru worried about him, but every time she inquired, he shook his head and smiled. There was nothing she could do if he didn't want to be helped.

It pained her to see that he seemingly didn't see her like she would like, as a woman, but only as a child, or even worse, as someone he_ needed_ to protect and as flattering as that may sound, Kaoru didn't want him to feel like he needed to protect her; she wanted him to love her.

Had it been that long?

Today was ten years since he lost her.

Even after all that time, this date made him depressed.

He never had to worry about hiding his sadness before, for he was alone, but this year, this year he had people who cared about him, and that is why he tried to hide his sadness. That was the reason he decided to join them on their trip to the country.

"Wow, this place is huge!" Yahiko gushed.

"It is isn't it?" Kaoru piped in a similarly childish fashion.

He knew Kaoru had an infatuation with him, but he couldn't respond in the same way she wanted. Indeed, he did love her, but it wasn't the kind of love she wanted. It was not the love of a man.

To him Kaoru was a child, 11 years his junior, and he would never give her an opportunity.

She was too innocent for someone like him, his hands stained by so much blood, and yet, he had been able to rid himself of most of that blood on his hands, most, as he could never rid himself of the blood of his beloved Tomoe.

He stood there looking at his hands, so delicate looking, yet strong enough to wield a sword and kill.

"Kenshin? Kenshin!" Yahiko brought him out of his reverie.

"Oro?"

"Sheesh, I know this house is huge, but don't space out like that!"

"My apologies, my apologies." He said smiling and bringing his hands up to cover his face in a mock defense.

Kaoru gave him a sad worried look before turning to see what the old lady was saying.

Nobody could confuse the fact that that lady was indeed Dr.Genzai's sister; she was the female version of him.

"We will be staying at my house, which is a good ways away from the main house. Now if you'll follow me."

They all followed the lady to her cottage.

"You can use the hot springs if you'd like. I'll take you to meet the young master tomorrow morning."

That night was a restless one.

He dreamt of Tomoe, something that had not happened in a long time.

She was trying to tell him something, but he did not understand.

He woke up covered in sweat.

'What is it that you want to say to me Tomoe?' he asked her in his thoughts.

Where that far away from each other that communication was impossible?

He shook his head and decided to get some fresh air.

He walked cautiously by his sleeping friends and headed to the open space.

Kaoru had been lying awake, hearing him turn and turn in his sleep.

Once he steeped outside, Kaoru decided to follow. She wanted to know what was eating into him so much.

She was about to approach him, when she heard him speak.

"Tomoe, why can't I hear what you are saying? Again I can't see what is right in front of me, like that time, I didn't see you, are you trying to take your revenge on me?"

Kaoru stood frozen in place.

There was another woman.

Who was Tomoe, and why would she want revenge on him?

As she stood there, behind the bushes, he spoke again.

"Whatever it is, I promise that I will try to figure out what it is that you are trying to tell me."

And with that he remained silent looking out to the blue night sky.

'_The time had come for you to meet our son.'_

But he didn't hear this.

I wonder if u can guess who his son is?


	5. Chapter 5

His son.

He still couldn't believe it. Tomoe had not died that day from her horrendous injury. Somehow she had managed to survive long enough to give birth to the child standing right in front of him.

Of course Yutaro didn't take the news too well.

He wouldn't readily accept him as his father.

But then again, nobody took the news too well.

Yahiko felt jealous. Kaoru was distraught and well he was…ecstatic.

It all happened so suddenly.

While cleaning one of the many rooms in the house, a maid came across an old looking letter. Of course, being a maid, she was going to leave it there, but a certain name caught her eye.

It said 'To Genzai-san.'

Dr. Genzai's sister got the letter and almost had a hear t attack when he read the contents.

'_Genzai-san if I am to die before Yutaro comes of age and I cannot reveal the contents of this letter to him, since his mother is no longer among the living, and I do not trust any one else with this, I want you to be the one to give this letter to him.'_

Along with that note, came a letter written in a very nice calligraphy. The letter read:

'_To my dearest son, _

_It is my wish for you to have a life full of love and good health and for you to be happy. I will not be able to see you grow or smile, but I am grateful that I was at least able to see your face before my time is expired. I want you to know that your father is a wonderful man, and I wish than when you meet him you wont resent him for never knowing him, but that is because he never knew of your existence. I will not go into details as to why the things that happened did happen, all I will say is that I am sure he would have been a wonderful father and that my only regret leaving this world is that I will not see you become a good man nor will I get to see the face of the one I love.'_

She couldn't believe what she was reading. Yutaro-san wasn't her boss' real son, but she was about to read the most shocking revelation of all.

'_To my second love,_

_I know that I will never see your face again and that is something I will regret even after death. You taught me how to live again, and you even thought me how to smile a little since I was always so bad at that. I know that you thought I was dead, but I was lucky enough to be saved by a kindly old man. They told me that by the time they went to look for you, you were gone. They said that you had left heart-broken, and it always saddened me that I would never get the opportunity to tell you that you are a father now, but I do believe that one day you will receive this letter, along with the news that you have a son. I do not know what will happen to our son, since as I am writing this I feel my strength leaving me, but the elder has assured me that our son will be well taken cared of, and that leaves me a little better. I do not even know what that child will be named, but I do hope that when you receive this letter, it will be accompanied by our son. _

_And now my son, I will leave you the name of your father….'_

"….Himura…Kenshin?" Genzai-san couldn't believe what she had just read.

Once she told Kenshin and handed him the letter, he had no choice but to tell the whole story.

Genzai-san could not fathom the tragedy of the story, nor the boy could understand how his perfectly set out life had turned out so…not his life, and yet, the boy could not bring himself to reject the idea of this man being his father.

Maybe it was because suddenly he had stopped being an orphan, or because deep down he had liked the man before, but he idea of he being his father was beginning to not feel so foreign to him.

OMG!!!!!!I took 4ever and a day to update this..sorry…no matter how long it takes me, I will finish this..i dunno how good or bad this chapter is..personally I don't think is all that great, but I needed to put something up so that u ppl know I aint dead yet..nor is this story..so if any-1 is even reading this...i apologize 4 the delay…so thanx 4 whoever reads and reviews…


	6. Chapter 6

The decision was a difficult one.

Would he leave his friends behind to stay with the son he just found out he had, or would his son leave the life he'd always known to follow a man he had recently found out was his biological father?

The boy was conflicted. He wasn't readily willing to leave behind all the luxuries he had grown accustomed to in his 10 years of life, but he also wanted to get to know his father better. And he felt like he was betraying the memory of the only father he'd known up till that point.

"I can't call you father." He said.

"I know and I wasn't expecting you to call me that."

"I don't know what to do." The boy said truthfully.

"Maybe it would be better if I leave?" he offered. He knew how the child must felt. He knew that he felt that he'd be betraying his father if he accepted his reality.

"I don't know, I really don't….but…I never really knew my mother…I never had a mother...so can you tell me anything about my real mother..?" the kid asked.

He smiled weakly, it was not a story he liked to tell, and in telling it he'd have to reveal things that he didn't want the child to know just yet.

The child saw his hesitation and quickly retracted his request.

"No, she was your mother and you have a right to know the whole story, but if I may, I want my friends to listen to the story too."

The child shook his head.

Once everyone was together he massaged his temples and took a deep breath before plunging into what was the most painful experience in his life.

Once his narrative was over, everyone sat silent. It was a story that would take time for people to swallow, so he stood up and left the room.

Kaoru was the first one to snap out of it and went to look for him. After listening to that story she had resolved to offer her assistance in finish raising the child, not as a friend or younger sister, but as a woman.

He of course refused. No matter how much she pleaded for an opportunity, he knew he'd never love her as a woman and would only hurt her if he gave her false hope.

"You're so young…" he started to say, but she cut him off before he could continue.

"Is it because I'm young? I don't want to hear it!" she hollered.

That wasn't what he was trying to tell her. He meant that she was young and could find someone that was suitable for her, but he decided to say nothing; he knew that those were the last things she'd want to hear then.

At least one thing was left perfectly clear, he didn't need to decide whether or not to leave his friends behind; it was obvious that for the time being, he could not go on living in the dojo.

She refused to talk to him after hat and he didn't try to force her to talk to him either. She had 'nicely' told him that he did not need to accompany back to Tokyo, but he refused to let Yahiko and her return alone.

She didn't object, but she still did not speak to him.

Yutaro had not spoken to him since the revelation of his past, and he didn't know if the child was angry at him or not. Either way he was returning to Tokyo and went to tell Yutaro.

"Yutaro-san I will be returning to Tokyo soon and I do not know where I will be after that…"

He received no answer form the child, so he just continued talking. "I do not know when we will meet each other again, but when we meet again I hope that we can at least be friends. I do not wish to take your father's place, I have no right."

Yutaro was silent. He didn't want to lose his father, but his young mind did not allow him to see things clearly. He felt that if he accepted the fact that this man was his real father, he'd be betraying the man that had raised him, and so he remained quiet and let him go without saying a word.

Kenshin had expected that and left with the hope of meeting up with his son later on in life when the child was older and could understand things better.

Everyone was quiet on the trip back to Tokyo.

Once he arrived at the dojo he packed his few possessions and started back on the uncertain road.

He knew that he'd return one day, and so with that in mind his heart didn't feel as heavy.

Meanwhile, Yutaro felt the need to leave everything behind and meet new people so he packed his things and went to live with an uncle in Germany.

Neither father nor son knew when they would meet again, but both were sure than when that happened, they'd be able to see eye to eye.

Oh man, how long has it been? Too long…so long that the original ending I had in mind has completely gone out the window…I promise I won't wait another year and a half to update (if anyone is still even reading or remembers this story)…for sure though, the next chapter will be the last one…for all of you that sporadically came by to check..thanks!


	7. Chapter 7

Wow im still amazed that ppl are even peaking at this story after I don't update in forever and a day…and I categorized it as tragedy cus to me it is a tragedy what happened to them…its so sad…anyway..i need to finish this….

His son had literally rejected him that day when he left for Tokyo, and after that he had not tried to contact him either.

He figured if he'd waited ten long years to discover he had a son, he could wait a couple more to let that son acknowledge that fact.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yutaro had had enough of being a spoiled brat in a foreign country.

It had been five years since he had left his home land and he thought it was time to return.

In the five years he had been gone he had thought long and hard about the man he left behind, the man that was his real father, and the man he had wanted to love and to hate.

Even now, five years later he still wasn't sure what he felt for that man.

It was true that he was happy when he found out that he was no longer an orphan, but at the same time he had felt like he'd be betraying the father he'd always known if he opened his heart to this stranger.

And the shock of finding out that not only was this man your father, but that he had been an assassin for the government and that he unwittingly had caused your mother's death was not an easy thing for a ten year old to understand.

"Yutaro, i've been watching you for a while and you've been making funny faces." His friend told him.

"Hahaha, yeah sorry, I was just thinking that I should really go back home."

"Home? Why it's still early."

"No I don't mean that home, I meant my home land, Japan."

"What! Why do you want to go back if you've been living here for a while now?"his friend exclaimed.

"Franz there are a couple of things that I left unsettled when I came here." Yutaro told his friend.

"Gee, you sound like an old man!" Franz exclaimed.

"You know I'm an orphan right?"

"Yeah, so why bring that up now?"

"I lied. I'm not an orphan, well I kinda am, but not really."

Franz was looking at him like he had lost his mind.

"One good day some friends of a maid came to visit and I discovered one of those strangers was my father, and that the man I looked up to as a father had just adopted me. Oh and did I mention that said man was also an assassin?"

Franz eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. "Yutaro, you should write a book about your life."

"Don't laugh, I'm serious." Yutaro dead-panned.

"I'm not laughing, but I was being serious about the book."

"Yeah it would sell _really_ fast, Foreign kid's father killed people for a living." Yutaro said sarcastically.

"Anyway, so if you do leave, are you coming back?"

Yutaro looked at his friend, "I don't know, I lived over there for 10 years, but I was always alone, only the maids kept me company, and I've been here for 5, but I have friends…" Yutaro didn't finish.

"You have to come back! We have to go explore the world remember!?" Franz exclaimed emphatically.

"Franz, do you think your parents will let you come with me?" Yutaro suddenly asked. Franz had been his best friend since he had arrived, and now he was in another dilemma.

Now it wasn't weighing his love for his adoptive father and his biological one, but it was about weighing his friendship with Franz or try to have a relationship with his father.

"They probably have no objections. I'm sure they'd be happy to have me away for a while." Franz said smiling.

Im sure i've probably distorted Yutaro's personality, but then again this is 5 years later...


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